Don't give up!

     Are you the type of person who allows failure and rejection to shape your attitude and cause you to then give up or limit your goals accordingly? If so, join the club! Most of us struggle with moving ahead after facing disappointment or failure to reach a goal.  Remember this though, you cannot get ahead with any goals you set – whether they are personal and health related or career and professional related without taking an element of risk.  What is the difference then between those who fail and give up and those who are successful?  First and foremost, accept that failure is sometimes inevitable; have faith in yourself that you can achieve your goal and if you fail view the failure as another stepping stone to your success! 

     Think about your own life experiences and take some time to contemplate and reflect on your vulnerability to rejection and failure.  Make a list of the times you failed in achieving a personal goal.  Make another list of the times you failed in achieving a professional goal.  And make a final list of times you faced rejection. Are there common themes?  Do you know why you failed? Did you reflect on the experience and learn from it or did you turn away from your goal out of fear of more rejection?  Use your reflections to build a foundation for your next steps to reach your goal.  Know that getting ahead, reaching a goal and experiencing success can be fraught with failure and rejection and in spite of the difficulty, believe in yourself, your purpose, your goals and your eventual success in reaching them. As Gail Sheehy remarked: “To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist!” 

Tips for Making a Change for the Better!

If you are contemplating making a change for the better, perhaps losing weight, improving your eating habits, getting help for anxiety or depression, or resolving issues in a relationship, you are at a stage of awareness.   But what you need to really move forward and begin doing rather than thinking about change is a level of emotional arousal and emotional energy. Use emotional energy to garner the momentum you need to make the change.  We know from research that knowing facts about a problem or dilemma is not enough to create behavior change. So stir things up a bit.  Here are some suggestions:

Create your own promotional materials.  Film yourself YouTube style and monitor your progress with a succession of videos.  Or paint or draw or create posters that are unique to your goals, post them at home and work and ramp up your emotional energy.

Start a group or join a group. There is a reason why joining and participating with a group of people with similar goals is a successful endeavor for many.  Participation can be emotionally energizing via the support you get from others in the group.

Use meditation, visualization and imagination. Take time out each day be in the moment, to reflect, visualize your goal and imagine how you will feel.   The emotional release you may experience may help you to move forward with the needed momentum so that you will be successful in reaching your goal.

Related articles

• Mindfulness-based Anger Management Online via Skype (psychologytoday.com)

How self-efficacy can help!

When challenged with dealing with chronic illness or trying to adhere to a weight loss program, a wellness program or a diabetes management regimen, researchers have found that people who have a sense of “self-efficacy” may be more successful in adhering to their plan.
Even if other psychosocial supports - such as family or support group, are not all favorable, a strong sense of self-efficacy can offset these difficulties.

The concept of self-efficacy was proposed by Bandura (1977) and was developed within the framework of what is called “social learning theory.” The self-efficacy model defines self-efficacy as the individual’s perception of his or her ability to carry out a given behavior or group of behaviors.  This sense of self efficacy has an effect on the person’s emotions (feelings), cognitions (thoughts), and motivation in difficult or threatening situations such as facing life-long self management of illness or health maintenance.   In other words, if a person faced with the demands of self-management gains a sense of self-efficacy, then mood, and  thoughts and his/her motivation may be enhanced and in turn, contribute to success in self-care of one’s health.

Three Things You Can Do Today to Feel Better

1. Think Positive:  Make an effort to change your negative self talk into positive self talk.  For many people, this takes practice, especially if your thinking ‘style’ tends toward the negative.

2. Rest and relax:  Take a break—make a point to relax for 30 minutes each day.  If you’re not sure how to relax, try different things.  Listen to music, contemplate nature, read, meditate, nap, do whatever you enjoy that helps you feel calm.

3. Recreation and play:  Get some exercise! Find ways to be playful and develop a sense of humor Turn your exercise routine into playtime – find an activity you enjoy!

Exercise Like a Kid and Feel Better!

Have you thought about what some of the psychological and emotional  benefits of regular exercise might be?  Research has shown that for men, women, children, youth, mid-life and the elderly, one of the greatest benefits is an overall improved sense of well-being.  Specific studies on the effects of exercise on clinical depression have shown that for some, exercise can alleviate symptoms of mild to moderate depression.  A sense of self-efficacy and confidence is another benefit for the far majority of people who keep up an exercise regimen.

What is it then, that keeps people from making the time to get regular exercise? 

If you ask most sedentary people why they don't exercise, one of the things they may tell you is that regular exercise is too hard and they really don't like it!   If you fit in this category, consider re-thinking your attitude.  First of all, replace your idea of exercise with activity and play!

Do you remember what it was like to play when you were a kid?  Be a kid again!  Learn to play! What activities did you do before you became more sedentary?  Dancing, playing on a sports team, biking, walking, hiking, swimming and gardening - to name just a few - are all healthy activities and when integrated into your lifestyle, are a significant improvement over being sedentary.  Remember that as few as 30 minutes a day of moderate activity can not only help you become physically healthier but also  psychologically healthier, too.

Keeping FIT is NOT always EASY: Part 3 Are YOU a Social Eater?

Keeping fit is not always EASY!  Do you think you may be a "social eater?"  Why do you eat what you eat and when you eat it? Is eating a social experience for you? Do you find that when you are with a group of your friends, you lose track of what you have eaten and continue to fill up your plate although you are already satiated? That’s a very common experience for some.  In fact, researchers (Nicholas A. Christakis, M.D., Ph.D., M.P.H., and James H. Fowler, Ph.D) have found that overweight and obese people were more likely to have a circle of friends who were also overweight and obese (and therefore probably social eaters also). And we also know that many people are more likely to be successful in reaching weight loss goals if they participate in a group with shared weight loss goals (for example, “the Biggest Loser” on television, Weight Watchers Program, etc.).  So if social eating is your downfall, don’t despair.  Instead, find a group who share similar weight loss goals and you  will more likely be successful in losing the desired weight.

Keeping FIT is NOT always EASY! (Part 2)

Keeping fit and healthy–is NOT always EASY!  If you set out to make some positive changes to your health, it’s likely you will find your intent is stronger than your willpower. If you’re stuck – try this.   Instead of feeling discouraged and giving up completely, one of the things you CAN do is keep a journal or diary or notes – whatever you want to call it - of your food intake each day.  What would this look like?  You could create your own template or download an APP. 

Your notes or diary should include when you eat.  Keep track of every time you eat something, even if it’s a nibble.  Don’t be shy about listing everything. No one else will see your notes. Note the exact time. 

Keep track of everything you eat.  Write down even the 1/3rd cookie you nibbled on before breakfast.  Write down the 3 peanut butter chocolate candies you ate from the office lobby and the 2 glasses of wine before dinner.

Keep track of how much you eat. If it’s a small serving – describe it in your notes. If it’s two servings, describe.  Include calorie totals next to each food.  Use a calorie tracker for this. You can find trackers easily online.  Round up to the highest total; we know that the far majority of people underestimate serving size and caloric intake.  

Get in the habit of doing this everyday, every week.   Did you know that for some people, having a concrete idea of what, when and how much they eat actually helps them cut down on their overall caloric intake?  You will begin to see patterns in your eating that you may not have truly known before.  Try it – you may find the effort worth it.  

Adherence leads to success!

Research continues to point patients and health care providers to the awareness that adherence to a weight loss (and if diabetic, better glucose control) program is somewhat complicated.
What actually is adherence?  In simple terms, it’s the patient’s purposeful attitude and behaviors that result in success over time in following the self-management regimen, whether it’s weight loss or glucose control or lowering your blood pressure.  Adherence is a different concept that the older ‘compliance’ model.  Compliance infers an obedience and behavior based on another person's demands. We know now, that if you only follow your doctor’s orders, because he or she said you must, you are more likely to fail in successful self-management of your health challenges.  If you take on some of the responsibility, learn as much as you can about your diagnosis or health problem, ask questions of your health care professionals and make your own personal commitment to health improvements, you will be much more successful in the outcome!  What do you think?  Reply to my blog and let me know if any of this resonates with what you are experiencing!

How Self-Efficacy can help

When a person is challenged with trying to adhere to a weight loss program, wellness program or a diabetes management regimen, researchers have identified factors called individual differences that may contribute to success. One of these individual differences factors  is self-efficacy.

Researchers have found that a high sense of  self-efficacy has been shown to be related to better self management, and better outcomes for many individuals.   Even if other psychosocial supports are not all favorable, a strong sense of self-efficacy can offset these difficulties.

The concept of self-efficacy was proposed by Bandura (1977) and was developed within the framework of social learning theory.  The self-efficacy model identifies the individual’s perception of his or her ability to carry out a given behavior or group of behaviors.  This perception or sense of self efficacy has an effect on the person’s emotions, cognitions, and motivation in difficult or threatening situations such as facing life-long self management of diabetes.   In other words, if a person faced with the demands of self-management believes that she can be successful, her mood, her thoughts and her motivation to continue to try will be enhanced.    This most often results in better self-management and better results!

Stress and Coping to Feel Better

Did you know that stress is the most common cause of ill health in our society? Some statistics suggest that up to 70% of all visits to your family doctor may be stress induced. 

The causes of stress are quite complex but typically they can be grouped in two ways:  external stress and internal stress.

External stressors may include loved ones getting sick or dying, losing your job or dealing with difficult people at work.

Most stress though, is generated internally! Since we create the majority of our emotional upheavals and upsets, we cause most of our own stress! The good news is that you can do something about it.

Having a sense of control over your interpretation and emotional response to any given situation, gives you a sense of choice and power that you can do something about the stressor.

And what is of key importance for you to know is that there is one very important concept regarding stress: To take control of the stress you are experiencing, you must decide to make some changes. You have to figure out what you are doing that is contributing to your problem and change it.

Here are some change strategies to help you to take control of your stress: 

Change stressful situations.
Do better at managing your time and your money. Get help if you need it.  Work on being assertive.  Find ways to solve your problem instead of stewing about it.  Consider leaving the job, responsibility or relationship.

Change your thinking.
Work at reframing your negative thinking into more positive thoughts.  Practice refuting negative thoughts that try to invade your sense of well-being.

Get Some Aerobic Exercise
As a way of draining off stress energy, nothing beats aerobic exercise.

Learn how to do relaxation exercises and/or meditate
Practice putting your body into a state of deep relaxation. Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard University has named this "the relaxation response."

Get a consistent good night’s sleep
Reduce your stress by getting a good night’s sleep. Studies show that a good night’s sleep helps with memory, weight loss and reduction of stress.

Weight loss strategies that work!

Review these helpful strategies and ask for help when you need it!

Find Good Role Models:  Did you know that a person will more likely follow suggestions and adhere to necessary weight loss lifestyle changes if the health care provider they work with is knowledgeable and also follows a healthy lifestyle?  Healthcare providers who are physically active, eat healthy and can discuss their own emotional eating triggers, develop better rapport with their patients as well as provide inspiration and support.

Teamwork: If you have been unable to achieve an ideal body weight after 5 or more years of effort, you might have more success working with a team trained to help you.  The team most likely will include your mental health professional (psychologist, therapist), a nutritionist, a physical trainer and your physician.  You most likely will gain added benefit from the variety of support you get from each of these professionals.

Psychology:  Did you know that many patients' severe weight problems arise from emotional problems, attitudes, or beliefs that truly need to be addressed in psychotherapy? You may continue to struggle with both losing the weight and keeping it off, if the psychological and emotional problems and issues are not resolved.

Readiness: Understanding your readiness to lose weight is the first step!  Are you contemplating losing the weight or have you begun to take action? Have you had success, but are now having trouble maintaining the weight loss?  Once you get professional help in identifying your own readiness level, you must also address the behavioral and emotional readiness factors.  These may include the costs and benefits of keeping the weight versus the costs and benefits of losing those pounds.