Is Your Communication Style Stress Provoking or Stress Reducing?

Is Your Communication Style Stress Provoking or Stress Reducing?

Communication style can be either stress provoking or stress reducing.  There are individual differences in the way people relate to stress and distress.  In his book Stress Management for Wellness (1999), Schafer presents six ways of relating to stress.  Although no individual is strictly one type or the other, review the following types and see if you can identify with any of them.

Stress Seeking/Stress Avoiding Types

·        Stress Seekers thrive on the challenge, the sensation and the risk involved

·        Stress Avoiders thrive on the familiar, avoiding challenge, sensation and risk sometimes at all costs. The avoidance may be based on rational thinking or irrational fear of risk-taking.

Distress-Seeking/Distress Avoiding Types

·        Distress Seekers thrive on misery, illness, crisis, martyrdom; they may have become addicted to these patterns since childhood

·        Distress-Avoiders thrive on health, contentment, activity and do all they can to avoid and reduce distress.

Distress-Provoking/Distress Reducing Types

·        Distress Provokers thrive intentionally or sometime unintentionally on creating misery, disharmony, illness and upset for others

·        Distress Reducers thrive on doing all that is possible to promote health, happiness and growth for others.

These patterns of communication, thought and action are frequently set in motion during childhood. The pattern is perpetuated through what is called repetition compulsion.

Feedback Loop

Now consider this.  Communication strategies and messages that add to another person's self worth or reduce tension,  help prevent and reduce distress in others. In turn, through a feedback loop effect, distress is lowered for the self also.

And in turn, communication strategies and messages that increase tension and cause or add distress for others, through the same feedback loop effect, increase distress for self.

Karl Albrecht in his book Stress and the Manager (2008) has identified a list of distress provoking and stress reducing behaviors.

Distress provoking (punishing) actions include:

Monopolizing the conversation

Interrupting

Showing obvious disinterest

Keeping a sour facial expression

Withholding customary social cues such as greetings, nods, ‘uh-huh’.

Throwing verbal barbs at others

Insulting or verbally abusing others

Speaking dogmatically

Not respecting others opinions

Complaining

Whining

Criticizing, finding fault

Demanding ones’ own way; refusing to negotiate or compromise

Ridiculing others

Patronizing, talking down to others

Losing one’s temper frequently and easily

Playing games, withholding information, manipulating or competing in subtle ways

Throwing “gotcha’s” at others, belittling others

Telling lies, evading honest questions

Making aggressive demands on others

Disagreeing routinely

Asking loaded or accusing questions

Overusing ‘why’ questions

Breaking confidences

Flattering others insincerely

Joking at inappropriate times

Bragging; talking only about self

Stress-Reducing (rewarding) actions include:

Giving others a chance to express views or share information

Listening attentively; hearing other person out

Sharing oneself with others; smiling, greeting others

Giving positive nonverbal messages of acceptance and respect for others

Praising and complimenting sincerely

Expressing respect for values and opinions of others

Giving suggestions constructively

Helping others succeed

Talking positively and constructively

Affirming feelings and needs of others

Delaying automatic reactions; not flying off the handle easily

Leveling with others; sharing disagreement openly, honestly, respectfully

Confronting others constructively

Stating agreement with others when possible

Questioning others openly and honestly

Keeping the confidences of others

Joking constructively and in good humor

Now that you’ve read the list, go back and check the items that apply to you.

If you’re feeling brave, and ready to take a risk, ask someone close to you to check items that apply to you.

Which communication behaviors would you like to decrease/increase?

Why?

Use the lists above by reviewing them frequently, identifying the ones you want to change and monitoring your progress. 

Autism and Epilepsy

As a clinical health psychologist, when working with clients, I focus on the interrelationship between their behavioral, psychological and physical health problems. When working with individuals diagnosed on the Autism Spectrum, addressing any physical problems and disabilities is an important focus.   There is a unique interrelationship among behavioral, emotional, cognitive, social and biological components in health and disease and these components need to be addressed and examined in order to promote and help maintain health, prevent further problems and help to rehabilitate in the best way possible. 

With Autism, one of the more common co morbid conditions is epilepsy. Epilepsy is a common and diverse set of chronic neurological disorders characterized by seizures. Epilepsy occurs in almost one third of individuals diagnosed with ASD.  Some researchers say that this suggests an imbalance of neural excitation and inhibition.  If you are familiar with an individual with Autism, you may have noted that excitation and inhibition are two problematic areas and contribute to behavior challenges.

Management of epilepsy requires a multidisciplinary health care team effort and open and ongoing communication between the physician, psychologist and other health care providers. For the person diagnosed with Autism and Epilepsy, these co occurring conditions need to be taken into account with addressing behavioral and psychological issues.  If you are the parent, support and education about how to manage can make a huge difference in coping with the ongoing stress and challenges you face. 

Three Things You Can Do Today to Feel Better

1. Think Positive:  Make an effort to change your negative self talk into positive self talk.  For many people, this takes practice, especially if your thinking ‘style’ tends toward the negative.

2. Rest and relax:  Take a break—make a point to relax for 30 minutes each day.  If you’re not sure how to relax, try different things.  Listen to music, contemplate nature, read, meditate, nap, do whatever you enjoy that helps you feel calm.

3. Recreation and play:  Get some exercise! Find ways to be playful and develop a sense of humor Turn your exercise routine into playtime – find an activity you enjoy!

Taking the Heat!

Survival in the desert is a constant challenge for the variety of animals and plants that live there; to flourish in the desert requires the organism to withstand drought, extreme heat, and seasonal floods.  In the desert, for several months of the year, the temperatures may be exceedingly hot, exceeding what is called the range of thermoneutrality in which the animal can survive.   This heat, combined with the scarcity of life-sustaining water, makes for an extremely tenuous survival.  And yet, through adaptation to their environment, and the ability to avoid excess heat, flora and fauna are able to survive – and even flourish in this harsh environment.

What is your range of psychological thermoneutrality?  What are some of the environmental conditions (i.e., relationships, community, school, finances, commute) in your life and experience that have been the most difficult to overcome? When things heat up, do you struggle and fail - or adapt, cope and flourish? What adaptations have you made in the past to your circumstances that have helped you to not only survive but to flourish? Take some time and consider a stressful time, event or circumstance you have experienced that has challenged you.  What did you do to cope?  What did you learn? Would you do things differently now?  Contemplate your successful “adaptations” and remember them when your environment heats up.

Humor Can be the Best Medicine!

Humor can be the best medicine!  If you are hoping to become more fit and healthy, then remember to laugh! The study of psychoneuroimmunology has resulted in the scientific understanding that there really is a relationship between the mind and the body.  Stress and the accompanying emotions, including anger, fear, guilt, worry, depression and loneliness can have a damaging influence on the physical body. From high blood pressure to abdominal weight and fat accumulation to lowered immune responses and inflammation, stress and ‘negative’ emotions take a toll on our bodies.  In turn, experiences, events and attitudes that support emotions such as hope, love, joy, silliness, play, good humor, absurdity and other feelings we associate with humor can have a positive effect by not only giving us a sense of well being but lowering our physiological inflammatory response and enhancing endorphin levels.   So laugh. And laugh out loud if you can!  If laughing is not your style, then chuckle!  Find something humorous that gives you a laugh and make a point to be silly and lighthearted at least once each day. Take better care of your health!

Related articles

• Techniques to Cope With Stress and RA (webmd.com)

Are you a Victim?

When you experience a health crisis – whether it’s being newly diagnosed with a disease, experiencing overwhelming stress from dealing with a chronic disability or recovering from an injury, feeling angry may be a normal response.  However, ongoing anger is not a healthy response to the stressor and may keep you from healthy management and feeling better in the long run.   Chronic anger may add to your stress levels, increase the cortisol in your system, which in turn contributes to more inflammation and poorer health. The key is to learn and then act on the knowledge that there are normal and healthy anger responses and there are also unhealthy anger responses.

In addition to denial, what is another common and unhealthy anger response? In addition to denial, which I discussed last week, is a type of anger response that involves seeing yourself as victim of your circumstances, your disease, and even your overall health status. Taking on a role as 'victim' may not seem like an anger response, but it is in essence, blaming externals for your course of illness and treatment and denial of your own agency in the process. This passive denial approach to disease and illness management was in many ways, considered appropriate and a normal adjustment as few as 25 years ago. The older medical model of ‘compliance,’ inferring that the healing professional knows everything and the patient (victim of the disease or accident) must only listen and follow directions in order to heal and become whole again, was a largely accepted viewpoint in medicine for many, many years.  We now know that for most patients, the best approach to disease management involves ‘adherence’ to the treatment plan. 

Adherence involves the patient actively learning, discussing and contributing to decision making with his/her health professional.   As a result, research shows that for most, this leads to higher motivation and better success in managing their disease.   For example, if diabetes management is your issue, then together with the health care professional, you establish your goals, how you’re going to achieve them and how long you will take to meet each objective.  Having this kind of agency and ownership of your treatment plan will help you overcome feelings of anger and be successful in the long run. So then, what is one of the best ways to overcome feeling victimized?   Become an active patient, willing to learn new things, ask questions, speak up about your denial, fears and your hopes and work together with your health care professional to improve your health and your wellbeing.

Newest research on Stress

At the American Psychological Association National Convention, August, 2010, Dr. Janice K. Kieolt-Glaser presented some of the newest behavioral medicine research on stress entitled "How stress kills: Assessing the damage and various remedies."
(Janice K. Kiecolt-Glaser, PhD, Jean-Philippe Gouin, MA, Nan-Ping Weng, MD, PhD, William B. Malarkey, MD, David Q. Beversdorf, MD, Ronald Glaser, PhD; Institute for Behavioral Medicine Research, Ohio State University College of Medicine).

The study investigated the effects of stress on individuals who reported having experienced childhood adversity in a sample of adults who are caretakers of a parent or spouse diagnosed with  Alzheimer’s disease. Conclusions based on this research suggest that childhood adversity worsens effects of stress, adding to current hardships. In other words, children who experience trauma  - be it physical abuse, sexual abuse or neglect, may be more prone to entering a cycle of negative emotion, i.e., depression and anxiety that may lead to problems in later life and possibly precipitate early death.

For example, children who experiences highly stressful events – such as death of a parent, witnessing severe marital problems or experienced abuse, may be more vulnerable to stressors as adults.
The research suggests that childhood adversity may for some,  have a long term, negative affect on health.  These childhood stressors may also contribute to inflammation and cell aging much earlier than for those who did not experience the stressful events in childhood.

The average age of the men and women who participated in the study was 70 years.  The participants were a community sample of 58 caregivers for a spouse or parent with Alzheimer’s disease or another progressive dementia.  The participants depression levels,  report of childhood trauma and biochemical markers of stress were analyzed and compared to a control group.


The researchers measured several blood inflammatory markers: cytokines interleukin (IL-6), tumor necrosis factor-alpha (TNF-a) and telomere length. (Telomeres are the ends of strands of DNA. Shorter telomeres have been linked with aging, age-related diseases and death. IL-6 and TNF-a have also been linked to a number of cardiovascular, including diabetes, autoimmune and infectious diseases).

Conclusions from the study found that " childhood adversity was associated with shorter telomeres and increased levels of inflammation even after controlling for age, caregiving status, gender, body mass index, exercise and sleep," said Kiecolt-Glaser.
"Inflammation over time can lead to cardiovascular disease, osteoporosis, arthritis, Type 2 diabetes and certain cancers.“  Childhood abuse and caring for an ill spouse or parent was also associated with higher levels of depression, she said.


Clearly, results of this study suggest the importance of early intervention to prevent the stress effects as well as undertaking immediate  interventions in those affected - for the  reduction of symptoms and increased ability to cope.  These interventions should include psychological treatment for depression and anxiety as well as the building of coping skills, encouraging regular exercise and instruction and practice in mindfulness.