Control your Anger - Control your Stress!

There are actually healthy and unhealthy ways to control anger in your everyday dealings, whether with coworkers, family, friends or the grocery store clerk! Chronic, poorly managed anger may add to your stress levels by increasing the cortisol in your system, which in turn contributes to more inflammation and poorer health.

What are some unhealthy and healthy responses when you get angry? 
Check out these lists and tips.

Unhealthy Anger Responses

• You deny your feelings.  Instead, you lash out and blame others.
• You are defensive and argue with those who try to help.
• You are disrespectful of the other person (name calling, insulting the person instead of the situation).
• You have physiological sensations – increased heart rate, pounding heart, your face heats up, etc.
• You  act aggressive, hit or strike or throw things.
• You give up and see yourself as a helpless victim.
• Your anger becomes addictive – you easily anger at many different situations and circumstances.

Healthier Responses to Anger

• You admit your denial - You work at expressing your thoughts and feelings (using “I” not “You”) without denial and blame.
• You try to understand the other person’s viewpoint
• You have an attitude of respect even when you feel angry
• You do something constructive and find ways to keep your anger under control
• You are open to learning new things
• You examine your own behavior.
• Your commitment to others grows stronger
• You eventually let go of the anger and feel fine

Sometimes controlling your anger takes real effort and practice

Here are 5 tips for controlling your anger:

• Talk slowly
• Wait - “Take 10” - count to 10, 20 or 30, take deep breaths and think before your react.
• Take a walk; go for a run; workout, instead of reacting poorly to a situation.
• Find humor in the situation.
• Respond with assertiveness; respond don’t reac.

Work on your Assertiveness

When you communicate in an assertive manner, your assertiveness is actually incompatible with unhealthy anger (and the accompanying anxiety).

           

Tips on Assertiveness; use when communicating your anger!

• Use steady eye-to-eye contact but not staring or glaring.
• Stand or sit tall with good postur.
• Maintain a firm steady tone without yelling or drop in tone.
• Use “I” statements – I feel, I need, I would appreciate.
• Use short sentences.
• Use pauses for feedback.

Related articles

• Study Highlights How Moms' Depression, Anger Stresses Kids (nlm.nih.gov)

Stress and Coping to Feel Better

Did you know that stress is the most common cause of ill health in our society? Some statistics suggest that up to 70% of all visits to your family doctor may be stress induced. 

The causes of stress are quite complex but typically they can be grouped in two ways:  external stress and internal stress.

External stressors may include loved ones getting sick or dying, losing your job or dealing with difficult people at work.

Most stress though, is generated internally! Since we create the majority of our emotional upheavals and upsets, we cause most of our own stress! The good news is that you can do something about it.

Having a sense of control over your interpretation and emotional response to any given situation, gives you a sense of choice and power that you can do something about the stressor.

And what is of key importance for you to know is that there is one very important concept regarding stress: To take control of the stress you are experiencing, you must decide to make some changes. You have to figure out what you are doing that is contributing to your problem and change it.

Here are some change strategies to help you to take control of your stress: 

Change stressful situations.
Do better at managing your time and your money. Get help if you need it.  Work on being assertive.  Find ways to solve your problem instead of stewing about it.  Consider leaving the job, responsibility or relationship.

Change your thinking.
Work at reframing your negative thinking into more positive thoughts.  Practice refuting negative thoughts that try to invade your sense of well-being.

Get Some Aerobic Exercise
As a way of draining off stress energy, nothing beats aerobic exercise.

Learn how to do relaxation exercises and/or meditate
Practice putting your body into a state of deep relaxation. Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard University has named this "the relaxation response."

Get a consistent good night’s sleep
Reduce your stress by getting a good night’s sleep. Studies show that a good night’s sleep helps with memory, weight loss and reduction of stress.

Top Ten Better Ways to Communicate

Here are ten ways for you to develop healthier communication patterns with your friends and family. Try them out!

1. You state how you feel without BLAMING others.

2. You can disagree without turning it into an ARGUMENT.

3. You handle your anger without getting aggressive.

4. You handle OTHERS getting angry without your getting aggressive.

5. You act respectful at all times.

6. You expect others to be respectful of YOU at all times.

7. You can say you dislike someone's behavior WITHOUT saying you
dislike the PERSON.

8. Mistakes are viewed as OPPORTUNITIES to LEARN.

9. When there are disagreements, the atmosphere focuses on remaining RELAXED.

10.You take RESPONSIBILITY for your OWN behavior (no blame).