Don't give up!

     Are you the type of person who allows failure and rejection to shape your attitude and cause you to then give up or limit your goals accordingly? If so, join the club! Most of us struggle with moving ahead after facing disappointment or failure to reach a goal.  Remember this though, you cannot get ahead with any goals you set – whether they are personal and health related or career and professional related without taking an element of risk.  What is the difference then between those who fail and give up and those who are successful?  First and foremost, accept that failure is sometimes inevitable; have faith in yourself that you can achieve your goal and if you fail view the failure as another stepping stone to your success! 

     Think about your own life experiences and take some time to contemplate and reflect on your vulnerability to rejection and failure.  Make a list of the times you failed in achieving a personal goal.  Make another list of the times you failed in achieving a professional goal.  And make a final list of times you faced rejection. Are there common themes?  Do you know why you failed? Did you reflect on the experience and learn from it or did you turn away from your goal out of fear of more rejection?  Use your reflections to build a foundation for your next steps to reach your goal.  Know that getting ahead, reaching a goal and experiencing success can be fraught with failure and rejection and in spite of the difficulty, believe in yourself, your purpose, your goals and your eventual success in reaching them. As Gail Sheehy remarked: “To be tested is good. The challenged life may be the best therapist!” 

Tips for Making a Change for the Better!

If you are contemplating making a change for the better, perhaps losing weight, improving your eating habits, getting help for anxiety or depression, or resolving issues in a relationship, you are at a stage of awareness.   But what you need to really move forward and begin doing rather than thinking about change is a level of emotional arousal and emotional energy. Use emotional energy to garner the momentum you need to make the change.  We know from research that knowing facts about a problem or dilemma is not enough to create behavior change. So stir things up a bit.  Here are some suggestions:

Create your own promotional materials.  Film yourself YouTube style and monitor your progress with a succession of videos.  Or paint or draw or create posters that are unique to your goals, post them at home and work and ramp up your emotional energy.

Start a group or join a group. There is a reason why joining and participating with a group of people with similar goals is a successful endeavor for many.  Participation can be emotionally energizing via the support you get from others in the group.

Use meditation, visualization and imagination. Take time out each day be in the moment, to reflect, visualize your goal and imagine how you will feel.   The emotional release you may experience may help you to move forward with the needed momentum so that you will be successful in reaching your goal.

Related articles

• Mindfulness-based Anger Management Online via Skype (psychologytoday.com)

Control your Anger - Control your Stress!

There are actually healthy and unhealthy ways to control anger in your everyday dealings, whether with coworkers, family, friends or the grocery store clerk! Chronic, poorly managed anger may add to your stress levels by increasing the cortisol in your system, which in turn contributes to more inflammation and poorer health.

What are some unhealthy and healthy responses when you get angry? 
Check out these lists and tips.

Unhealthy Anger Responses

• You deny your feelings.  Instead, you lash out and blame others.
• You are defensive and argue with those who try to help.
• You are disrespectful of the other person (name calling, insulting the person instead of the situation).
• You have physiological sensations – increased heart rate, pounding heart, your face heats up, etc.
• You  act aggressive, hit or strike or throw things.
• You give up and see yourself as a helpless victim.
• Your anger becomes addictive – you easily anger at many different situations and circumstances.

Healthier Responses to Anger

• You admit your denial - You work at expressing your thoughts and feelings (using “I” not “You”) without denial and blame.
• You try to understand the other person’s viewpoint
• You have an attitude of respect even when you feel angry
• You do something constructive and find ways to keep your anger under control
• You are open to learning new things
• You examine your own behavior.
• Your commitment to others grows stronger
• You eventually let go of the anger and feel fine

Sometimes controlling your anger takes real effort and practice

Here are 5 tips for controlling your anger:

• Talk slowly
• Wait - “Take 10” - count to 10, 20 or 30, take deep breaths and think before your react.
• Take a walk; go for a run; workout, instead of reacting poorly to a situation.
• Find humor in the situation.
• Respond with assertiveness; respond don’t reac.

Work on your Assertiveness

When you communicate in an assertive manner, your assertiveness is actually incompatible with unhealthy anger (and the accompanying anxiety).

           

Tips on Assertiveness; use when communicating your anger!

• Use steady eye-to-eye contact but not staring or glaring.
• Stand or sit tall with good postur.
• Maintain a firm steady tone without yelling or drop in tone.
• Use “I” statements – I feel, I need, I would appreciate.
• Use short sentences.
• Use pauses for feedback.

Related articles

• Study Highlights How Moms' Depression, Anger Stresses Kids (nlm.nih.gov)

Keeping FIT is NOT always EASY: Part 3 Are YOU a Social Eater?

Keeping fit is not always EASY!  Do you think you may be a "social eater?"  Why do you eat what you eat and when you eat it? Is eating a social experience for you? Do you find that when you are with a group of your friends, you lose track of what you have eaten and continue to fill up your plate although you are already satiated? That’s a very common experience for some.  In fact, researchers (Nicholas A. Christakis, M.D., Ph.D., M.P.H., and James H. Fowler, Ph.D) have found that overweight and obese people were more likely to have a circle of friends who were also overweight and obese (and therefore probably social eaters also). And we also know that many people are more likely to be successful in reaching weight loss goals if they participate in a group with shared weight loss goals (for example, “the Biggest Loser” on television, Weight Watchers Program, etc.).  So if social eating is your downfall, don’t despair.  Instead, find a group who share similar weight loss goals and you  will more likely be successful in losing the desired weight.

Are you a Victim?

When you experience a health crisis – whether it’s being newly diagnosed with a disease, experiencing overwhelming stress from dealing with a chronic disability or recovering from an injury, feeling angry may be a normal response.  However, ongoing anger is not a healthy response to the stressor and may keep you from healthy management and feeling better in the long run.   Chronic anger may add to your stress levels, increase the cortisol in your system, which in turn contributes to more inflammation and poorer health. The key is to learn and then act on the knowledge that there are normal and healthy anger responses and there are also unhealthy anger responses.

In addition to denial, what is another common and unhealthy anger response? In addition to denial, which I discussed last week, is a type of anger response that involves seeing yourself as victim of your circumstances, your disease, and even your overall health status. Taking on a role as 'victim' may not seem like an anger response, but it is in essence, blaming externals for your course of illness and treatment and denial of your own agency in the process. This passive denial approach to disease and illness management was in many ways, considered appropriate and a normal adjustment as few as 25 years ago. The older medical model of ‘compliance,’ inferring that the healing professional knows everything and the patient (victim of the disease or accident) must only listen and follow directions in order to heal and become whole again, was a largely accepted viewpoint in medicine for many, many years.  We now know that for most patients, the best approach to disease management involves ‘adherence’ to the treatment plan. 

Adherence involves the patient actively learning, discussing and contributing to decision making with his/her health professional.   As a result, research shows that for most, this leads to higher motivation and better success in managing their disease.   For example, if diabetes management is your issue, then together with the health care professional, you establish your goals, how you’re going to achieve them and how long you will take to meet each objective.  Having this kind of agency and ownership of your treatment plan will help you overcome feelings of anger and be successful in the long run. So then, what is one of the best ways to overcome feeling victimized?   Become an active patient, willing to learn new things, ask questions, speak up about your denial, fears and your hopes and work together with your health care professional to improve your health and your wellbeing.

Why Exercise?

What are some of the psychological benefits of regular exercise?  Results of studies on men, women, children, youth, mid-life and the elderly point to the benefits of overall improved sense of well-being.  Specific studies on the effects of exercise on clinical depression have shown that it is a viable treatment option for some people.  A sense of self-efficacy and confidence is another benefit for the far majority of people who keep up an exercise regimen and get physically healthier as a result. These are just a few of the psychological benefits of regular exercise.

What is it then, that keeps people from exercising? Why not just go out and do it?  The benefits are numerous, from physiological benefits of managing and preventing diseases like diabetes and high blood pressure and cardiac illness to greater quality of life to extending ones' longevity to improving your overall mood, and keeping depression under control.

If you ask most sedentary people why they don't exercise, they may tell you that regular exercise is too hard and they really don't like it!   If you fit in this category, consider re-thinking your attitude.  First of all, replace your idea of 'exercise' with 'activity.'  What activities do you like or did you like before you became sedentary?  Going dancing, playing on a softball team, playing with your children or grandchildren, walking hiking, swimming and gardening  - are all an improvement over a sedentary lifestyle.  Remember that as few as 30 minutes a day of moderate activity - brisk walking for example can not only help you become physically healthier but also  psychologically healthier.

How to start? Identify an activity that you consider to be enjoyable. You are much more likely to keep up the activity if you enjoy doing it in the first place!  Find another person or a group who like the same activity.  Other like-minded friends can help you feel and stay motivated and supported as you work toward your goal of increasing enjoyable activities (and exercise) into your lifestyle. 

How Self-Efficacy can help

When a person is challenged with trying to adhere to a weight loss program, wellness program or a diabetes management regimen, researchers have identified factors called individual differences that may contribute to success. One of these individual differences factors  is self-efficacy.

Researchers have found that a high sense of  self-efficacy has been shown to be related to better self management, and better outcomes for many individuals.   Even if other psychosocial supports are not all favorable, a strong sense of self-efficacy can offset these difficulties.

The concept of self-efficacy was proposed by Bandura (1977) and was developed within the framework of social learning theory.  The self-efficacy model identifies the individual’s perception of his or her ability to carry out a given behavior or group of behaviors.  This perception or sense of self efficacy has an effect on the person’s emotions, cognitions, and motivation in difficult or threatening situations such as facing life-long self management of diabetes.   In other words, if a person faced with the demands of self-management believes that she can be successful, her mood, her thoughts and her motivation to continue to try will be enhanced.    This most often results in better self-management and better results!