Short Memory, Long Memory

Do you find sometimes that you have a ‘short memory’ for the really good things that have happened in your life – and a longer memory for the not so happy times? 

There have actually been scientific studies that help explain this  - that much or our memory for the ‘bad times’ is neurologically based. Boston College psychologist Elizabeth Kensinger and her colleagues published a study in 2007 that showed how this phenomenon occurs.  The outcomes of her research showed that when the remembered event was aversive, the negative events were remembered in much greater detail and with more accuracy than for positive, pleasurable events (for example, September 11 terrorists attacks).

In the study, the use of  Functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging (fMRI), studies  demonstrated increased cellular activity in emotion-processing regions of the brain at the time that a negative event was experienced.

Kensinger  suggests that recognizing the effects of remembering a negative event at much greater detail and accuracy may at some point protect us from harm - by guiding our choices and allowing us to plan for similar future (negative) events.  This is especially true if we consider an evolutionary framework, where attention to potentially threatening information was key to survival.

What negative, frightening or threatening memories do you have?   And to counter those memories, what positive, supportive and good memories do you keep?  If you are struggling with the negative, use these scientific findings to give yourself a break! Acknowledge the negative, the details, the specifics and realize that they present themselves to you with more clarity because your brain is doing what it knows to do!  And ask for help –  seek out therapy -  if your memories are keeping your from experiencing joy in your life and your relationships.  

Three Things You Can Do Today to Feel Better

1. Think Positive:  Make an effort to change your negative self talk into positive self talk.  For many people, this takes practice, especially if your thinking ‘style’ tends toward the negative.

2. Rest and relax:  Take a break—make a point to relax for 30 minutes each day.  If you’re not sure how to relax, try different things.  Listen to music, contemplate nature, read, meditate, nap, do whatever you enjoy that helps you feel calm.

3. Recreation and play:  Get some exercise! Find ways to be playful and develop a sense of humor Turn your exercise routine into playtime – find an activity you enjoy!

Taking the Heat!

Survival in the desert is a constant challenge for the variety of animals and plants that live there; to flourish in the desert requires the organism to withstand drought, extreme heat, and seasonal floods.  In the desert, for several months of the year, the temperatures may be exceedingly hot, exceeding what is called the range of thermoneutrality in which the animal can survive.   This heat, combined with the scarcity of life-sustaining water, makes for an extremely tenuous survival.  And yet, through adaptation to their environment, and the ability to avoid excess heat, flora and fauna are able to survive – and even flourish in this harsh environment.

What is your range of psychological thermoneutrality?  What are some of the environmental conditions (i.e., relationships, community, school, finances, commute) in your life and experience that have been the most difficult to overcome? When things heat up, do you struggle and fail - or adapt, cope and flourish? What adaptations have you made in the past to your circumstances that have helped you to not only survive but to flourish? Take some time and consider a stressful time, event or circumstance you have experienced that has challenged you.  What did you do to cope?  What did you learn? Would you do things differently now?  Contemplate your successful “adaptations” and remember them when your environment heats up.

Holiday Joy!

One of the major causes of stress for most people is a sense of uncertainty. Uncertainty can be rather exciting at the onset and most people actually begin a relationship or set about making new plans with this sense of excitement and possibility.   However, after a short while, for many, the uncertainty about a close relationship, finances and our future can lead to worry and anxiety.   Eventually, this feeling of anxiety may become chronic and can lead to clinical depression, anxiety, anger responses and over-sensitivity.

For many, the Holiday season brings on a heightened sense of uncertainty, especially around relationships. This is a normal response and can lead to worry, anxiety or feeling especially sensitive to others comments and actions.

This Holiday Season, acknowledge your uncertainty and accept that it might lead to some feelings of anxiety.  Instead of allowing the worry to overtake you and rob you of feeling any of the joy and pleasure of the season, do something about it!   Find ways to stay in the moment.  And do not set your expectations so high that no one can fulfill them! Instead, identify ways that you can enjoy the season without setting up high expectations of others.  Find even small ways to feel good.  Give an anonymous gift. Write a note to someone you have neglected.  Find a sense of humor! Volunteer.  And let go of your worry and anxiety by de-stressing – get exercise, take time for your own peace of mind.  And remember – as much as you are able - surround yourself with others who are positive.

Stress and Coping to Feel Better

Did you know that stress is the most common cause of ill health in our society? Some statistics suggest that up to 70% of all visits to your family doctor may be stress induced. 

The causes of stress are quite complex but typically they can be grouped in two ways:  external stress and internal stress.

External stressors may include loved ones getting sick or dying, losing your job or dealing with difficult people at work.

Most stress though, is generated internally! Since we create the majority of our emotional upheavals and upsets, we cause most of our own stress! The good news is that you can do something about it.

Having a sense of control over your interpretation and emotional response to any given situation, gives you a sense of choice and power that you can do something about the stressor.

And what is of key importance for you to know is that there is one very important concept regarding stress: To take control of the stress you are experiencing, you must decide to make some changes. You have to figure out what you are doing that is contributing to your problem and change it.

Here are some change strategies to help you to take control of your stress: 

Change stressful situations.
Do better at managing your time and your money. Get help if you need it.  Work on being assertive.  Find ways to solve your problem instead of stewing about it.  Consider leaving the job, responsibility or relationship.

Change your thinking.
Work at reframing your negative thinking into more positive thoughts.  Practice refuting negative thoughts that try to invade your sense of well-being.

Get Some Aerobic Exercise
As a way of draining off stress energy, nothing beats aerobic exercise.

Learn how to do relaxation exercises and/or meditate
Practice putting your body into a state of deep relaxation. Dr. Herbert Benson of Harvard University has named this "the relaxation response."

Get a consistent good night’s sleep
Reduce your stress by getting a good night’s sleep. Studies show that a good night’s sleep helps with memory, weight loss and reduction of stress.