Control your Anger - Control your Stress!

There are actually healthy and unhealthy ways to control anger in your everyday dealings, whether with coworkers, family, friends or the grocery store clerk! Chronic, poorly managed anger may add to your stress levels by increasing the cortisol in your system, which in turn contributes to more inflammation and poorer health.

What are some unhealthy and healthy responses when you get angry? 
Check out these lists and tips.

Unhealthy Anger Responses

• You deny your feelings.  Instead, you lash out and blame others.
• You are defensive and argue with those who try to help.
• You are disrespectful of the other person (name calling, insulting the person instead of the situation).
• You have physiological sensations – increased heart rate, pounding heart, your face heats up, etc.
• You  act aggressive, hit or strike or throw things.
• You give up and see yourself as a helpless victim.
• Your anger becomes addictive – you easily anger at many different situations and circumstances.

Healthier Responses to Anger

• You admit your denial - You work at expressing your thoughts and feelings (using “I” not “You”) without denial and blame.
• You try to understand the other person’s viewpoint
• You have an attitude of respect even when you feel angry
• You do something constructive and find ways to keep your anger under control
• You are open to learning new things
• You examine your own behavior.
• Your commitment to others grows stronger
• You eventually let go of the anger and feel fine

Sometimes controlling your anger takes real effort and practice

Here are 5 tips for controlling your anger:

• Talk slowly
• Wait - “Take 10” - count to 10, 20 or 30, take deep breaths and think before your react.
• Take a walk; go for a run; workout, instead of reacting poorly to a situation.
• Find humor in the situation.
• Respond with assertiveness; respond don’t reac.

Work on your Assertiveness

When you communicate in an assertive manner, your assertiveness is actually incompatible with unhealthy anger (and the accompanying anxiety).

           

Tips on Assertiveness; use when communicating your anger!

• Use steady eye-to-eye contact but not staring or glaring.
• Stand or sit tall with good postur.
• Maintain a firm steady tone without yelling or drop in tone.
• Use “I” statements – I feel, I need, I would appreciate.
• Use short sentences.
• Use pauses for feedback.

Related articles

• Study Highlights How Moms' Depression, Anger Stresses Kids (nlm.nih.gov)

Are you a Victim?

When you experience a health crisis – whether it’s being newly diagnosed with a disease, experiencing overwhelming stress from dealing with a chronic disability or recovering from an injury, feeling angry may be a normal response.  However, ongoing anger is not a healthy response to the stressor and may keep you from healthy management and feeling better in the long run.   Chronic anger may add to your stress levels, increase the cortisol in your system, which in turn contributes to more inflammation and poorer health. The key is to learn and then act on the knowledge that there are normal and healthy anger responses and there are also unhealthy anger responses.

In addition to denial, what is another common and unhealthy anger response? In addition to denial, which I discussed last week, is a type of anger response that involves seeing yourself as victim of your circumstances, your disease, and even your overall health status. Taking on a role as 'victim' may not seem like an anger response, but it is in essence, blaming externals for your course of illness and treatment and denial of your own agency in the process. This passive denial approach to disease and illness management was in many ways, considered appropriate and a normal adjustment as few as 25 years ago. The older medical model of ‘compliance,’ inferring that the healing professional knows everything and the patient (victim of the disease or accident) must only listen and follow directions in order to heal and become whole again, was a largely accepted viewpoint in medicine for many, many years.  We now know that for most patients, the best approach to disease management involves ‘adherence’ to the treatment plan. 

Adherence involves the patient actively learning, discussing and contributing to decision making with his/her health professional.   As a result, research shows that for most, this leads to higher motivation and better success in managing their disease.   For example, if diabetes management is your issue, then together with the health care professional, you establish your goals, how you’re going to achieve them and how long you will take to meet each objective.  Having this kind of agency and ownership of your treatment plan will help you overcome feelings of anger and be successful in the long run. So then, what is one of the best ways to overcome feeling victimized?   Become an active patient, willing to learn new things, ask questions, speak up about your denial, fears and your hopes and work together with your health care professional to improve your health and your wellbeing.

Top Ten Better Ways to Communicate

Here are ten ways for you to develop healthier communication patterns with your friends and family. Try them out!

1. You state how you feel without BLAMING others.

2. You can disagree without turning it into an ARGUMENT.

3. You handle your anger without getting aggressive.

4. You handle OTHERS getting angry without your getting aggressive.

5. You act respectful at all times.

6. You expect others to be respectful of YOU at all times.

7. You can say you dislike someone's behavior WITHOUT saying you
dislike the PERSON.

8. Mistakes are viewed as OPPORTUNITIES to LEARN.

9. When there are disagreements, the atmosphere focuses on remaining RELAXED.

10.You take RESPONSIBILITY for your OWN behavior (no blame).