On Forgiveness

Have you ever considered that forgiveness can be good for your health? One of the biggest health advantages to forgiveness is the lowering of your stress cortisol levels (Luskin, Forgive for Good, 2003 ISBN-10: 006251721X).  When you release the anxiety, anger, and distress with the purposeful act of forgiveness, you help decrease stress hormones in your body. In order to get a better grasp of how to forgive, you may need to re-think your beliefs about forgiveness.

1. Some people mistakenly believe that forgiveness is giving power to the other person. They may think that forgiveness somehow negates the wrong.  But think about it; this may not be the case in many situations. When you are victimized by a person who harmed you or a loved one, stole from you, or in some way, hurt you physically or psychologically, his/her deed or deeds might still be very wrong. The deed or deeds may have occurred without the intent to hurt or with the intent to hurt you.  So forgiveness doesn’t somehow negate the wrong. Instead, forgiveness actually empowers you to feel better both emotionally and physically.

2. Your act of forgiveness is based on your intent and the will to forgive.  You cannot forgive unless you give yourself a place of power.  What is this power? It’s the will and intent to let go of what someone has done or not done to you.  It’s an opportunity, actually, to give yourself new freedom and to no longer be tethered emotionally and psychologically to your hurt and anger.

3. Once you forgive, is the forgiveness permanent?  What’s the difference between saying you forgive and really forgiving? That’s up to you.  If you ask anyone who has had success in giving forgiveness, they will most often tell you that it was a process and that there are times when the hurt re-surfaces and you have to willfully forgive again and let it go. 

4. When you forgive over something or someone who has had a hold on your sense of wellbeing for some time, you might feel better; you might not for a while.  Remember that in many situations, forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event and you will most likely feel better each time you make the effort to forgive.  Time is a great healer; remember that your intent and will to forgive will eventually catch up with your hurt feelings and you will feel better, both emotionally and physically.