How to Breathe!

Learning to become mindful about how you breathe is essential to mastering stress.  Unless you are a vocalist or public speaker, you may not have learned how to breathe in a stress reducing manner.  When you breathe with shallow, chest focused breaths, you may be even increasing your anxiety and feelings of stress. When you breathe correctly, using your diaphragm, you will find that your feelings of anxiety and stress are reduced.   It does take practice to learn how to breathe correctly. In this article, I’ll take you through the first steps in learning how to breathe from the diaphragm.  After you’ve mastered the first steps, in my next article I’ll give pointers and next steps on how to become your own expert in deep, mindful breathing to reduce stress.

You have probably heard about mindfulness – a stress reduction intervention that includes diaphragmatic breathing.   Researchers studying mindfulness, including mindful diaphragmatic breathing techniques, are finding positive results for people struggling with stress, trauma, PTSD, anxiety, pain, depression and other diagnosis.  Even if you are not diagnosed with a condition but struggle with managing stressors in your life, mindfulness and diaphragmatic breathing can help you cope and master your stress.

Your first step in learning diaphragmatic breathing is to choose a time and place where you will not be interrupted by noise, people or circumstances.

Next, you will need to find a place where you can lie down on your back. If your disability prohibits you from doing this, position your body in the most relaxing open posture you are able.

When lying down on the floor on a rug or blanket, take on a “dead body” pose – legs straight, relaxed, slightly apart, toes pointed outward, arms at your side, not touching your body, palms up and eyes closed.

Focus attention on your breathing – place your hand on the spot just beneath your rib cage. Note where your body rises when you breathe. If your are breathing from your chest, make note and see if you can instead breathe from below your rib cage.  Scan your body for tension -  your chest, abdomen, throat and neck.

 Begin Deep Breathing.

Draw your legs up so that your knees are bent in a way that is comfortable to you. Your toes should be turned outward.

Scan your body for stress/tension.

Place one had on your abdomen and one had on your chest.

Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose into your abdomen.  The hand on your abdomen should rise as you inhale. Your chest should move very little.

Exhale through your mouth, making a quiet, whooshing sound.   Relax your mouth, tongue and jaw.  Take long, slow deep breaths, focusing on your hand rising on your abdomen (focus just below your rib cage) with each inhaling breath and lowering with each exhale.  Focus on the sound and feeling of your breathing.  Do this 5 minutes at a time to begin with.  As you become more comfortable and familiar with mindfulness breathing, increase your time to 10 minutes or longer.

At the end of each breathing session, scan your body for tension.  Compare your feelings of stress and tension at the end of your session compared to when you began. Journal your progress.  Practice these steps for as long as it takes to master.  You will know you have mastered diaphragmatic breathing lying down -  when your chest rises very little and your abdomen rises most. Your diaphragm is then doing the work it should be doing!

After practice, remain in position, let go of your focus and concentration, relax and congratulate yourself for a job well done.

Is Your Communication Style Stress Provoking or Stress Reducing?

Is Your Communication Style Stress Provoking or Stress Reducing?

Communication style can be either stress provoking or stress reducing.  There are individual differences in the way people relate to stress and distress.  In his book Stress Management for Wellness (1999), Schafer presents six ways of relating to stress.  Although no individual is strictly one type or the other, review the following types and see if you can identify with any of them.

Stress Seeking/Stress Avoiding Types

·        Stress Seekers thrive on the challenge, the sensation and the risk involved

·        Stress Avoiders thrive on the familiar, avoiding challenge, sensation and risk sometimes at all costs. The avoidance may be based on rational thinking or irrational fear of risk-taking.

Distress-Seeking/Distress Avoiding Types

·        Distress Seekers thrive on misery, illness, crisis, martyrdom; they may have become addicted to these patterns since childhood

·        Distress-Avoiders thrive on health, contentment, activity and do all they can to avoid and reduce distress.

Distress-Provoking/Distress Reducing Types

·        Distress Provokers thrive intentionally or sometime unintentionally on creating misery, disharmony, illness and upset for others

·        Distress Reducers thrive on doing all that is possible to promote health, happiness and growth for others.

These patterns of communication, thought and action are frequently set in motion during childhood. The pattern is perpetuated through what is called repetition compulsion.

Feedback Loop

Now consider this.  Communication strategies and messages that add to another person's self worth or reduce tension,  help prevent and reduce distress in others. In turn, through a feedback loop effect, distress is lowered for the self also.

And in turn, communication strategies and messages that increase tension and cause or add distress for others, through the same feedback loop effect, increase distress for self.

Karl Albrecht in his book Stress and the Manager (2008) has identified a list of distress provoking and stress reducing behaviors.

Distress provoking (punishing) actions include:

Monopolizing the conversation

Interrupting

Showing obvious disinterest

Keeping a sour facial expression

Withholding customary social cues such as greetings, nods, ‘uh-huh’.

Throwing verbal barbs at others

Insulting or verbally abusing others

Speaking dogmatically

Not respecting others opinions

Complaining

Whining

Criticizing, finding fault

Demanding ones’ own way; refusing to negotiate or compromise

Ridiculing others

Patronizing, talking down to others

Losing one’s temper frequently and easily

Playing games, withholding information, manipulating or competing in subtle ways

Throwing “gotcha’s” at others, belittling others

Telling lies, evading honest questions

Making aggressive demands on others

Disagreeing routinely

Asking loaded or accusing questions

Overusing ‘why’ questions

Breaking confidences

Flattering others insincerely

Joking at inappropriate times

Bragging; talking only about self

Stress-Reducing (rewarding) actions include:

Giving others a chance to express views or share information

Listening attentively; hearing other person out

Sharing oneself with others; smiling, greeting others

Giving positive nonverbal messages of acceptance and respect for others

Praising and complimenting sincerely

Expressing respect for values and opinions of others

Giving suggestions constructively

Helping others succeed

Talking positively and constructively

Affirming feelings and needs of others

Delaying automatic reactions; not flying off the handle easily

Leveling with others; sharing disagreement openly, honestly, respectfully

Confronting others constructively

Stating agreement with others when possible

Questioning others openly and honestly

Keeping the confidences of others

Joking constructively and in good humor

Now that you’ve read the list, go back and check the items that apply to you.

If you’re feeling brave, and ready to take a risk, ask someone close to you to check items that apply to you.

Which communication behaviors would you like to decrease/increase?

Why?

Use the lists above by reviewing them frequently, identifying the ones you want to change and monitoring your progress. 

On Forgiveness

Have you ever considered that forgiveness can be good for your health? One of the biggest health advantages to forgiveness is the lowering of your stress cortisol levels (Luskin, Forgive for Good, 2003 ISBN-10: 006251721X).  When you release the anxiety, anger, and distress with the purposeful act of forgiveness, you help decrease stress hormones in your body. In order to get a better grasp of how to forgive, you may need to re-think your beliefs about forgiveness.

1. Some people mistakenly believe that forgiveness is giving power to the other person. They may think that forgiveness somehow negates the wrong.  But think about it; this may not be the case in many situations. When you are victimized by a person who harmed you or a loved one, stole from you, or in some way, hurt you physically or psychologically, his/her deed or deeds might still be very wrong. The deed or deeds may have occurred without the intent to hurt or with the intent to hurt you.  So forgiveness doesn’t somehow negate the wrong. Instead, forgiveness actually empowers you to feel better both emotionally and physically.

2. Your act of forgiveness is based on your intent and the will to forgive.  You cannot forgive unless you give yourself a place of power.  What is this power? It’s the will and intent to let go of what someone has done or not done to you.  It’s an opportunity, actually, to give yourself new freedom and to no longer be tethered emotionally and psychologically to your hurt and anger.

3. Once you forgive, is the forgiveness permanent?  What’s the difference between saying you forgive and really forgiving? That’s up to you.  If you ask anyone who has had success in giving forgiveness, they will most often tell you that it was a process and that there are times when the hurt re-surfaces and you have to willfully forgive again and let it go. 

4. When you forgive over something or someone who has had a hold on your sense of wellbeing for some time, you might feel better; you might not for a while.  Remember that in many situations, forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event and you will most likely feel better each time you make the effort to forgive.  Time is a great healer; remember that your intent and will to forgive will eventually catch up with your hurt feelings and you will feel better, both emotionally and physically.